Post-Exam Letter to Whining Students by a Frustrated Instructor
Dear People,
I have graded your exams and I have returned the papers to you. Please go away to think about your results and stop constantly emailing me and coming to see me about your grade. Please stop arguing with me about your grades. I will NOT change your grade. I will NOT give back any of the points I took away from your papers. I am not doing this because I am cruel/unsympathetic/sadistic/wicked/evil/etc. (The fact that I actually am is not the issue.) I took off points because YOUR ANSWERS WERE WRONG. You can whine and complain until you turn blue and faint, but that does not change the fact that YOUR ANSWERS WERE WRONG.
In my classroom, there is a thing called "objective reality." When I ask you for a particular answer about a given topic, your reply is either Right or Wrong. Perhaps you have been deceived by your other classes or instructors or the general campus Zeitgeist into thinking that all reality is subject to personal interpretation, moral/ethical relativism, and so forth. Perhaps you think that there is no such thing as a wrong answer. Well, by this point, your exam papers should tell you a different story.
I do not care what a bad exam grade does to your academic record, your ego, or your precious sense of self-esteem or self-worth. I care only about teaching well and leaving you to learn well. I will not grade mercifully. I will not grade sympathetically. I will only grade fairly. If you don't like your grade, there is only one true cure: STUDY HARDER and make a better grade on your next exam. Some of you may want to actually show up to class once in a while and even engage in foreign, alien activities like reading your assignments, listening to my lectures, paying attention, taking notes, not coming to class late, and participating. Just a suggestion, folks.
I do not care how strenuously or insistently you moan, groan, scream, cry, pewl, whine, or beg. I will NOT change your grade. And the more you fuss and fight and make excuses, the worse I will think of you, as this sort of behavior is childish, immature, ridiculous, selfish, disrespectful, and ultimately counterproductive. And don't bother complaining to your parents about me. Their phone calls will not change my mind or your grade in any way. In my class, my power is Absolute and Supreme. In fact, while we are talking about this, I will remind you why I am your instructor. I am your teacher BECAUSE I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO. End of story.
Note to the several students who behaved like adults: Thank you. Thank you for treating me with a measure of courtesy. Thank you for asking questions politely and for having the personal initiative and social wits to ask me for practical advice how to improve in future. Thank you for not whining like spoiled brats deprived of lollipops.
Note to the students who earned high marks: Congratulations and enjoy the well-earned fruits of your honest labors. Well done. (And thank you for demonstrating that indeed my exam was not impossibly hard, despite the claims of some of your peers. I feel vindicated in full that the exam was perfectly reasonable for people who studied.)
A final note to all: You are NOT ENTITLED TO GOOD GRADES IN MY CLASSROOM. You do not have a right to high marks. If you want good scores, you have to labor hard for them with an archaic and unpopular social phenomenon known as a "work ethic." You must earn your grades like everyone else in the class. I know that the "entitlement" culture is popular right now. This pernicious social (and socialist) trend, however, stops at the threshold of my classroom. I have assigned "FAIL" grades to other students before because they did not study or work. Don't think that I won't assign the same to you if you deserve it.
If you would like to make an appointment to see me, please do so. My office is in the Eighth Level of the Inferno, so be sure to wear fireproof clothing when you come.
Sincerely yours,
Your Instructor, Miss Minerva